The Missing Teacher

Here's a look at a movie project I'm doing with my 6 year old "Pennsylvania" class.

Shades of Gray

Between the shades of black and white,
Lie colors undefined.
The absolutes of wrong and right,
Are quickly left behind.

Within these abstract shades of gray,
Entire lives subsist.
Things of beauty seen by day,
By night; sebaceous cysts.

And so the things I thought I knew,
Are now the things unknown.
Those things I always held as true,
Illusions now dethroned.

Yet, when at night, I close my lids,
One truth consuls the soul.
Teaching someone else’s kids,
Is perfect birth control.

Sorry, was feeling a bit poetic tonight, and thought I'd try to express my appreciation to the parents out there and offer a sincere apology for ever professing any understanding of what the word "parenting" means. And to any stay at home mom's who might read this blog... you are champions of patience, ambassadors of diplomacy, and might just be natures most important and undervalued resource.

On another note: I received my first care package! Thank you so much!!! It included many of the things I listed and one very special surprise.... an autographed diaper from Reagan, complete with compacted, partially melted granola bar stool ! I'm still smiling about that!

Say Hello to my Little Friend

A wee-man complex is a terrible thing to witness, particularly when that wee-man is Kim Jong-il. Once again he’s hopped atop his enriched-uranium booster chair and is screaming for dinner. While I hate politics of fear, and am usually quick to dismiss the egocentric wailing of North Koreas leader, there is something disconcerting about having a nuclear weapon (reportedly the equivalent size of those dropped in Japan at the end of WWII) detonated a few hundred miles to the north. But, as I was drilling phonics into the already oversaturated brains of 5 year old children, that’s what happened today.

I’m not overly concerned about safety, but it will certainly be interesting to see how this plays out over the next few days/weeks. More than likely this is just another cry for attention, and, unless I miss my guess, he’s going to get plenty of it.

Also in the news, Roh Moo-Hyun, the former President of South Korea, committed suicide this weekend by leaping from a 100 foot cliff in the mountains behind his home. He had recently come under investigation for bribery charges and was expected to be convicted.

If you want to read more about these stories you can follow these links:

Roh : http://www.cnn.com/2009/WORLD/asiapcf/05/23/roh.dead/index.html
Bomb : http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/asia-pacific/8066861.stm

Unbridled Solicitation

Teaching here, as I'm certain it is everywhere else on the planet, is often a tedious, thankless job. You have no idea how much a simple letter or care package can brighten a bad day or week. If you feel like sending one, I promise I'll write back! (shameless solicitation... I know... I'm sorry)

My address at school is :

YBM Cheongdam ECC

3rd Floor, Mijoon Building,
19-17 Cheongdam-dong, Gangnam-gu,
Seoul, Korea 135-949

The schools phone# 02-581-0509

Letters are cheap but a medium sized package (about the size of a pair of boots) is around $25.

Here are some things that I miss, many of which and are hard to come by here...

1. Chrystal Lite Lemonade (pitcher sized portions)

2. MAC and CHEESE!!! (or shells n cheese)

3. Maple Syrup (it can be found here, but it's around $20 for a bottle the size of coke can)

4. Just-add-water pancake mix /oatmeal / cream of wheat

5. Deodorant

6. Ny-Quil (the knock you out kind)

7. General cold / sinus medicines (and anti-inflammatory meds for my old man knee :-)

8. XL underthings (v-neck t's; cotton boxers; etc...)

9. Cooking Spices

10. Other lil' toiletries and small kitchen items are great too.

11. Used Books in English... I love a good read; (anything on the NYT best seller list)

12... and perhaps most of all, pictures and letters from my family! Oh man I miss my little nieces and nephews.

(fyi: most of the dry food goods can be removed from their boxes and put into baggies; this takes up much less room in a small box)

If you send something, make sure you leave a return address so I can return the favor.

Here are a few more pictures from the past couple months. I'll file a proper update next weekend.

Expressions

Getting there is half the fun?

“Please make sure oversized passengers are stored safely in the first class cabin. And be careful when choosing your seats, as some passengers may become annoying during the flight.” ….. Useful announcements for trans-continental flights… announcements that I did not hear.

Frenchy, the slender fellow sitting next to me, and I were celebrating our good fortune. The doors were closed for departure and, in a plane filled to capacity, we had the good fortune of having an empty seat on our three person row. Oh happy days! I slid over to the window seat, and we exchanged knowing smiles as we piled our personal belongings into the center seat. The emergency door blocked most of the foot room of the window seat, but it was a sacrifice I was willing to make in order to be the first screaming passenger out the door in the event of a water landing. (chivalry is overrated) I tried to prop my feet up on the door’s ledge, but quickly realized that the engineers were one step ahead of me when they put just enough slope on the surface to encourage your feet to return to where they belonged.

Just as I was beginning to realize my mistake, and ask my diminutive French buddy to switch seats with me, the flight attendant arrived. If she were alone, I would have been relived; if she were followed by an equally petite Korean patron, I would have been only slightly disappointed; but as the hulking beast of a Chinese man towered ominously over her shoulders, I may have muttered .. “f**k”

“Excuse me sir, this gentleman is having trouble fitting into his seat, and because this is an emergency aisle, would it be ok for him to have the center seat?”

Now I am not a small man, by any stretch, but as “Yao-ming” wedged his 6’5”, 260lb self into the center seat; I felt small. Any plans I had for using my armrest were quickly scuttled, as were any plans to sit completely upright. (If I could have convinced this gentleman to store his hands in the overhead bin, I might have had a chance) As the flight attendant strapped herself into the jump seat adjacent to us, I could swear I saw her laugh.

He was a nice enough sort; a sports science professor at the University of Florida if I remember correctly. He asked if I had a laptop, and rather than ask the most important question, “Why?” I said, “Yes.” His eyes lit up.

“I bought a present for my friend in Korea, but I want to open it now. It’s a DVD of the Florida championship football game. Can we watch it on your laptop?”

Thinking quickly, I informed him that my laptop batteries were useless so I couldn’t use the laptop with out plugging it in… (a convenient truth). “That’s not a problem, there’s a plug under your seat.” he said. And as soon as the seatbelt light went off, he hopped up, unceremoniously banging his head on the overhead bin, (unfortunately not hard enough to disable my laptop or himself) and retrieved my bag for me.

Now my laptop is not exactly travel friendly. It’s a desktop replacement unit that weighs over 8 lbs. The only way to hold the laptop so that we could see it was to wedge my feet onto the sloping door and set the unit on my legs. We couldn’t hear the play-by-play commentator, but that would prove unnecessary, as the gentleman had clearly seen the game enough times to ad-lib. Some 230hrs later, the game ended; the commentary did not.

Oh, here’s something else you might note about the emergency aisles of a 747 economy seat. Because there are no seats in front of you, the food tray is stored in the armrest. This of course means that the arm rests can not be raised and lowered, as they can elsewhere. This is really only a concern if you are putting a 40” waist into a 16” seat. In the right light, you can still see the buttons for the video entertainment device imprinted on my side.

And so it was I passed the longest flight of my life. 5 minutes sitting up straight, 5 minutes slouched in my seat with legs propped up and 30 minutes standing in the gallery. I continued this cycle until our landing approach some 16 hours later. By a conservative estimate I spent fewer than 4 hours of the flight in my seat. I’ve learned some valuable lessons, I’m sure… but I’ll be buggered if I know what they are.

Short Update

We took a field trip today... nothing novel or humorous about that... but here are a couple pictures of my little monsters and I at the museum.
This is my 6 year old "Pennsylvania" class. (front to back: Julie, Stella, Thomas, You-jin and Henry)

And this is my 4-5 year old "Cornell" class. ( Back: Sherry Teacher, Justin, Katie and Yoonji Front: Jennie, Eunice, Jun (June) and Sean)

Oh.. and one of my student's brought me a Frappacino and cookies today! Another one brought me a box of chocolates from Guam. That was kinda chill... I'm all about my apple polishers.

Dong-Chim

“Here is the church, here is the steeple; here is the way we say “morning” to teacher.” (SIC) - if that acronym can also be applied to words that don’t exactly rhyme, but for lack of creativity are used anyway

I’m not talking about the neon-cross adorned steeples that light the night sky from the hundreds of churches scattered around the city of Seoul; rather, I am making reference to the extended pointer fingers of tiny intertwined hands that seek, with the accuracy and enthusiasm of a well practiced proctologist, to salute the teacher foolish enough to turn a back. Every morning cries of "Dong-Chim" echo through the school, and are drowned by the even louder cries of the surprised teachers. Dong-Chim... is litterly translated "Poop Needle" .... oh gosh. I swear it must be a national sport here, and I am its super bowl.

This is just one of the many surprises of being a Hagwan (kiddy school) teacher; but the parents among you would likely find none of it to be especially different from your own experiences. (save maybe Dong-Chim)


We have “Broke Back Hagwan”… featuring a little boy who is always trying to kiss, with great affect, another little boy in the class. I’m not prepared to address that one yet.

There are many nose bleeds, from excessive picking; bumps, bangs and scratches are no strangers; but the best story I’ve had thus far was an act of revenge that I distinctly remember contemplating in my youth.

The dilemma, of course, is determining how to separate those who need to use the bathroom from those who simply want to escape from your class for a while. I can remember one such seat squirming occasion, when I was being taught a lesson about crying wolf, and I can remember thinking, “ fine… if the evil teacher won’t let me go to the bathroom, I’ll use the trash can… that will show her!” In the end, my evil plans never came to fruition; likely due to the large wooden paddle sitting on Principal (and Uncle) Carl’s bookshelf. Oh man had I had my meetings with that Guantanamo-esque attitude adjuster. I wonder if there is a scientific correlation between hewn pine and bladder capacity… must be.

So, even though I wanted to scold the little girl for dropping trou and relieving herself under the table, I couldn’t. For as I got down on my hands and knees with a box of tissues, I couldn’t hide my own smile…… my inner child was doing back flips…. “Good for you kid…… good for you.”