Shenzhen of Thieves

There’s a party in my glass.. At least that is what the morning sun seems to think as her rays dance merrily off the frozen cubes swirling slowly in my drink. I wonder if the cubes would put up a fight if they knew what the sun was up to. Well, no matter, the cubes will exact revenge in their final moments when they release the carefully preserved bacteria strains the've so closely guarded. Note to self: “less stirring; more drinking”

Ok, besides the not-so-subtle reference to dysentery, that had little to do with Hong Kong. It did, however, create a fitting prologue for the primary topic of this journal entry. It is jokingly said that the Chinese will eat anything that moves, and after a recent trip to the Mainland, I can vouch for the validity of this theory.


A couple of weekends ago a friend and I took a trip into mainland China. We planned to spend a day in the city of Shen-Zhen which is the border city between Hong Kong and the Mainland. Upon clearing customs, we stopped at a booth to exchange currency and I made the critical mistake of putting my wallet in the outside pocket of my backpack. We walked out of the train station and into a 7-11 where I noticed that both wallet and Ipod were no longer in my possession. Luckily I had my passport in a different pocket. I had over 300 episodes of Lum and Abner on that Ipod, so whoever has it now is sure to be bored out of their minds.

After this rocky start, my friend Jeroen and I decided to continue our trip on his dime. We spent the rest of the morning walking around the city. It was fun to travel without agenda. Shen-Zhen is the first city in China to have a McDonalds, so we used this excuse to satisfy our western palates.

We went back to the train/bus station in the afternoon to return home, but decided to be spontaneous and go somewhere else. There was a large bus schedule covering one wall of the terminal, so we picked a city (random unknown Chinese symbol) and bought a couple tickets.

After a few hrs on that bus we arrived in the “unknown” city. I still have no idea where we went, but the setting sun was shining through the back of the bus so I have a general idea we were east and north of our previous location.

We walked around the city for a bit and then went to get something to eat. We had a nice meal of rice and several different types of meet and vegetables. When we went to pay the total came to 10 Yuan. I couldn’t believe how cheep it was! (10 Yuan is approximately $1.20 US for two people)

Next, we tried to find a suitable hotel. We went to the first one we came by, but it looked too nice for a student budget, so we didn’t bother to check for prices. We approached some people on the street, and, in my poorly spoken Chinese, I tried to explain to them that my wallet was stolen and we were looking for a cheep place to sleep for the night.

They understood my dilemma, but didn’t speak any English and I couldn’t understand the directions they were giving me. One of the guys asked me to wait and ran off in search of his friend. After bringing his friend from the restaurant, I again explained our situation and asked directions to a cheep hotel.

He spoke less English than I speak Chinese, but after a bit he said “Get in car, I take you”. Remembering my childhood lessons about not accepting rides from strangers, I was a bit hesitant, but then I figured I had broken so many other safety rules on this trip.. what’s one more.

The guy took us to a nice hotel, and parked the car. He went up to the front desk, handed the lady 300 yuan and said “Ok, I take you room”. Well, now my paranoia was in hyperdrive. I wasn’t sure what I said to the guy, but I was quite certain I never asked him to pay for our room! (or for that matter, don’t recall promising any sexual favors in return for his generosity, but like I said… my Chinese is quite poor)

We entered the room, which was nice and very comfortable. He said, “sit down”. I thought, “Oh Boy, Here it goes…” I leaned over to Jeroen and said, “You’re up first!” See, I’m an unselfish guy. Then the guy said, “You today.. have problem.” (heart beating faster) “Maybe I tomorrow also problem, so I help you!” Then he said goodbye and left… Was one of the most touching experiences I’ve had in a while.

Later that night we went for a walk through the city to find some food and entertainment. I bought a pack of Chinese cigarettes for 2 Yuan ( .25 cents USD) and lit one up. After a deep drag, I instantly understood the reason Chinese people are constantly spitting. I think a tube attached to a buss exhaust would provide fewer toxins.

Next stop was a small market stall selling dried, spicy goose neck. I promptly traded the remainder of my smokes for a neck and took a good bite.. Seconds later I had the overwhelming sensation that my lips were on fire. I looked over at Jeroen, who had polished off the rest of the neck, and he had fluids streaming out of his eyes, nose and the sides of his mouth. I don’t know if I’ve ever tasted anything that spicy before, but I was grateful my taste buds had been thrown into disarray. The goose could easily have been a few weeks (months) deceased.

We made a few more stops and on our way home, found another new delicacy we had not yet tried. Charcoaled bat… yum. The bats were skewered through the torso and through the wings.. like a crucifix-kabob. While waiting for our bats to cook, we took a couple of the raw fellows and had a bat fight… to the amusement of our spitting chef. After the bats were finished cooking, he said “Spice?”… sure… why not.

Have to say the bat was very tasty… but I couldn’t bring myself to eat more than a couple bites. Once again, Jeroen was happy to polish off the rest… head and all. After that we went back to our complimentary hotel room, apologized to our stomachs and fell asleep.

Having survived the night we set out in the morning to find a McDonalds. I asked several people for directions and then learned something.. It doesn’t do any good to ask directions in Chinese if you don’t understand direction words.. we never found the McDonalds.

We did, however, find a bus station 6 hrs later and decided it was time to go home. We were out of Chinese Yuan so we walked to the bank to change some more money. On our way back, my friend said something about wanting to visit Guangzhou, Chinas third largest city. A few minutes later, we had tickets to Guangzhou, another three hr bus ride in the wrong direction.

Having guessed that our day trip might be extended, I had a change of cloths, which was more than I can say for my Dutch friend, who was beginning to smell a bit. No matter, we arrived in Guanzhou and began walking again. We passed a nice duck restaurant but something caught my eye. There were the usual roasted poultry items strung from the neck in the window, but on the end, I saw something the looked suspiciously like a bald, cooked version of Rosie (grandmas dog).

It was a dog (rather half of one) strung from the nostrils… an initially disturbing sight for most westerners. We continued walking for a few blocks then Jeroen asked if we could go back and get a picture of the dog. So we did, but ultimately a picture wasn’t enough. A large helping of dog and two conflicted consciences later, we left the restaurant.

We found a suitable hotel room that night and spent the next day walking around the city. I would love to know the number of miles we covered during these three days, but I would not like to be the guys sitting near us for the bus ride home…. Yikes. Lucky for us, the only toilet on the bus backed up and a smell more powerful than ours provided adequate distraction.

I believe the thing that impressed me the most about this trip was the cost. All totaled, including tickets, meals, hotels and drinks, I owed my friend less than $70 when we returned. I easily spend that on an average night out in Hong Kong or the states.

So we tasted the good and the bad of China. Surprising low points were matched by equally unexpected moments of generosity. All part of the balance I suppose… the Ying… the Yang…. And the Yikes!